Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
