So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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