What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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