the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
