No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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