those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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