Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
