we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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