The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
