A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
