i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
