Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Randomize
