Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
