I wish my penis had an off switch
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
