She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
