Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
