i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
