Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
