I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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