I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
