the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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