If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
