I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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