ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
