I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
