well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
