Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
