Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
