Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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