Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
