We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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