You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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