she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
