your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
