I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
