Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
