Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
