im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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