He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
