There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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