He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
