Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I smell stomach acid.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
