Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
