I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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