Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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