i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
