why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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