And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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