so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
