She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
